Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

Anti-Social - Grouped Together - Separated
Is what I see surrounding me.
Stares - Judgement
Is what I notice.
I see the Judge.
Through the stares - gawking - laziness
I guess I meet the world defensively or racing past.
Defensively because I'm not sure - I'm unaware - Tired of being talked about or made - fun of -
because I feel & "Know" that I'm all alone & no one is going to have my back 100%
This is good to keep me strong and enduring in my life and in the world but also bad.
Bad because I probably won't let certain people in My Life and probably see me for me.
Looking at life this way keeps me hidden and secretive - shy -
Not loose and carefree like I want to be.
I do not like it.
That's what it is like for me.
Through time and work I will not have to see the world like this anymore and feel this way.

Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

If you had a magic wand, what 3 things would you change?

Lord, if I could change three things - I would change the type of schools I went to - 

They were good schools due to the education and for that I am grateful -

but because it was in an area where everybody would tend to not act so realistic -

I would've changed it.

2nd - I would change the crazy way both of my families act and get a better family.

3rd - I would've changed the location of where I grew up. 

It's a decent place - but I lacked friends - young people in the neighborhood  - close to my age to hang outside with. 

There are a lot of older people and the ice-cream man never came down because it was a road!

There are other places we could've lived that were decent - neighborhoods but with more young people.

The school - also being so hard is because it was predominately white and I, being the only or couple in my classes - made it hard -

I didn't have much to Identify with.

Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

Most of the time I am....

In between emotions - Kind've chill -relax and upset.
It's sometimes more of this or that but I'm in between most of the time.

I Long For...

To follow the direction of my own happenings & know that it made me happy and it was right.

I long for - the point in my life where I'm satisfied doing something that complements my artistic and creative talents and my talents complement it.

I long for the Meaning of my existence - My purpose and knowing it.

I get angry about...

Common sense that people around me should know. 

I know that it can't be helped all the time - but sometimes it can.

I get angry about things I can't change -

My mom's and dad's families, not being close like a family should be - acting right.

The Most Joy or Fun I have is...

When I draw or paint for the fun of it when I want to - and laughing at silly goofy things - such as movies 

- tv shows - or getting funny e-cards off of the internet from buddies. 

The most joy or fun I have had makes more sense in my situation.

Joy for me hasn't come yet in my young adult life.

Every kid feels their sense of joy while growing up because they don't know the responsibilities of the world yet or know how tough the world can be - or trying to be something they're not.
All they know is what makes them happy, sad, and angry.
Joy has yet to come to me but hopefully I'll find it because things in life don't blow to you in the wind.

Life is about...

What you make of it - it's about making a mark for yourself and hopefully making a change that you created for the better. It's about being wiser and more knowledge and becoming aware of yourself spiritually. 

Second Year In College - Course Journal Exercise

The Most Important Thing About Me Is...

My Heart - my ability to give my Love, my Life, my all into anyone who is an important part in my life.
I can be very generous and willing to be the "brave heart" for anyone who is in trouble in my life.
(This is also not fully true due to the fact I go through difficulties with my family, and I easily turn off from people who claim to be "friends" and turn around and stab me in the back - from past experiences growing up because trust is a big part with me.) There's still a caring side of me and I just want to give. I like to do nice - sweet things for others even if they may not appreciate it - which can and is a problem. I'm learning and know better now - at 20 years old.

Blogger's First Time

Trying to create a site or blog for the first time is just as challenging as learning a dance routine as a rookie or designing an outfit after years of doing absolutely nothing related...

I'm not a professional dancer nor head designer but I can say I'm just like you trying to figure out the beast of the unknown on my own.

It's going on two years since making the decision to start my own blog, which I creatively refer to as a "blogizine" and lately as an E-zine (web-magazine/web-mag). It's been fun, cool, and very stressful.
Learning the ins-outs of anything for the first time can be easy, moderate to hard, or just plain hard.  
I'm not a person who learns everything right away to the "T". My mind has to process the information I'm taking in and assess it... so all my self-starters out there I commend you on being brave and challenging the beast. For anyone wanting to and just don't know where to begin, believe in yourself first. That's what you should always do first. Then break it up into pieces like a puzzle. Take it from me if you go straight for it head on without taking it one step at a time it will become overwhelming and you'll create more bad stress on yourself than you need. You're trying to make it work for yourself, not give up before you see the success you can reach.

The blogizine RPRAI is still and will always be a work in progress. It is my life's work at this point and maybe that's the mentality to have going into this. Know for yourself if you want to dedicate your time to keeping up with your self-published work. Developing a following is a never-ending task and will never stop. How I keep anyone in the know about what I'm doing is basically that - catchy quick phrases to draw someone back. *NEW* Released SP Cover Feature!

Usually I'll add other key-words like where the Artist lives, who they've worked with that many will recognize, ethnicity, accomplishments in their field, or even lyrics to their latest song release to draw viewers in. As a promoter or someone trying to gain someone's attention you must look at it objectively. If you are the person seeing the post or update how would you react? If you're curious to see what it's about in a sea of other posts, tweets, or updates encouraging you to read their articles, then you're making an impact! It's still a challenge and there's nothing you can do about being mixed up with other self-starters and promoters' releases. There are other ways to get your voice heard and your brain will be ticking on how it can be done. So don't worry how you do it, just try any idea that comes to mind. You can never go wrong. Remember believe.

Twitter is an extremely important tool to use since it is pretty much the only social media that sends information far and wide in a short amount of time reaching many. I've sent out tweets where I received responses from individuals who were not even following me regarding the tweet. People know people and will tell each other. Every reply you receive will not always have your @xxxx twitter name. It makes it easier when it does because it shows up in your interactions and mentions. Messages are seen by many because it's not only floating down your timeline, key terms are seen in search results including people's names whether you use the @ symbol or not. If you're already using Twitter and have developed a following already then you're at a great start. You can begin immediately letting your current followers know about your work and latest releases. Another useful way to cover many in a short amount of time is catching groups of names in tweets on your timeline. "Friday Follow" #FF is a great way for you to inform groups of people who either know you or don't about what you're doing. They'll let their followers know and possibly follow you too! Another useful and beneficial tip is to initiate the interaction - in developing new followers. Take it upon yourself to "meet new people" and follow individuals that have something in common with your interests, your work, and more importantly who is following your followers. It's easier to connect with someone who you can easily start a conversation with or you can mention is following the same person you are with specific interests like business management or music. Not everyone will return the favor of following back so you have to wait it out and see. Keep track of the number of followers without making it the ultimate priority, just be aware if you went from having a 50+ person increase to -30 or more decrease. You'll notice from constant interaction. Let's face it, you have a lot of other things to do. Managing what you do and when you do it is lucrative to keeping up with the work you're trying to accomplish. Use it to your advantage and you'll see your views pick up. Hopefully when you start earning revenue through your blog you can send out HELP WANTED Ads or Job ads for people to accumulate followers for you and keep track of it. I haven't reached that point yet but one day hopefully it will.

Facebook is another useful source. Even though it doesn't span as far and wide as Twitter in a short amount of time it is beneficial for its ability for you to "post & leave", meaning once you post an update it is available for anyone to read at any point in time. Your timeline is a list of posts that you've made for anyone new and old to see at their disposal. I've noticed people using Facebook like Twitter by making multiple promotional posts at once. I'm not sure if it gives back the same beneficial results, but I'm sure it does to some extent since it can be "shared" to other walls of people you don't know and similar to Twitter it encourages your connections to pay closer attention to your work. I will say that Facebook allows you to share your updates more easily in a "stationed" manner, without quick-turnaround and fast change in setting, so that you know your post was right where you left it and can be shared multiple times. The same for groups. Even though your post can be lost within numerous posts in a group it still has to be treated like a fast-moving medium. Posting numerous updates is necessary for older, newer, and tuning in members to see what's going on with your work. Sparingly give updates with permission by the group owner to respect the rules of the group, not turn members against you, and getting kicked out. Always make sure to address and confirm your intentions with the owner so that you're both on the same page. You don't want your name out there associated with anything negative or deprecating.  

What I'm learning right now in my journey is to remember to connect with new people on the regularly to build and grow my viewers. You'll find that if you don't remember to do this you'll still be associating with the same people and that can leave you stagnant. There's nothing wrong with developing a following and having a strong bond with them but if you're really trying to get your name out there you must learn to open up, bridge out, and take a leap of faith. The most you can receive in return is no response or follow-back. That's it! To some it may be harsh or hard to deal with, but learn immediately how to cope. You know in life everyone is not going to like you and will have something negative to say about you so you might as well take the bullet. Be strong, Be brave, Be resilient, Be Yourself. You're here for a certain amount of time you don't know the length of so do what you must to make a name for yourself. Those who don't see the magnificence in your work you can do without - take it or leave it.

Each Day is a new day to learn. What comes to you today will be refined tomorrow. I've had ideas come to me from washing the dishes, even taking a shower. They just come and when they do you must not tune it out. Keep saying it over and over again out loud. Keep it strong and relevant in your mind so that you when you put it to work you're stepping your game up. I'm a writer by trade so everything has to be written down, no structured way, just get it out of my head onto paper. Sometimes I can't translate my thoughts to paper but it doesn't matter whatsoever, just get it written down or recorded for future reference!

Whether you believe in the Divine or not I'm going to share with you anyways, the Lord speaks to us in many ways. When our minds are at rest He is speaking to us. It's possible He's speaking all the time but we are so loud in our thinking we're not listening and/or cannot hear. Take time to chill out and turn your mind off and watch the amazing thoughts that come to mind. Don't believe me? Just try.

The next thing you need to do is put your "faith to work". Don't just say what you're going to do, just do it. You must physically do something to receive a result. I just started adding various elements to my blog just for the heck of it without much understanding of what html/javascript or feed url meant until later on. I'm a strong believer in "trial and error". I think we all do it every day but don't always fully acknowledge it as a method of learning. It's how I understand things I've never done before. We're not perfect, but we try to be which in my opinion keeps us from appreciating ourselves for who we are. We have flaws. We are human.

Go to "layout" if you're using Blogger and start selecting "gadgets" wherever you see "Add a Gadget".
You can always rearrange, add, and/or delete later! I started with the basics: Subscribers, Follow By Email, Subscription Links, Translate, Blog Stats, Search Box, Blog List, Link List, Labels, Ad Sense. The rest came with time when everything started to form together and make sense. For the longest I only worked with these features and it brought good results. Remember it's about your posts, what you have to say. Don't forget your voice in the midst of creating the look of your platform. I've been culprit to it many times and it kept me from focusing on my subject of the day or topic I found interesting during the day. It can cause you to fall behind. Find the best places for the features listed above to begin. Keep your mind open and think out of the box with how to use specific elements to your advantage. For the Link List it serves me best as a way to display my top followers, my RPRAI partners, and other important subject or topics (other blogs) you want readers to directly go to. I've also found how useful the Blog List can serve its best potential. Using it to display your blogs, not only your favorite blogs, can also help direct viewers from one end of the spectrum to the next without having to remind them over and over where to go. It's all right there. Since I'm using my main page as the "directory" or attention grabber for where to go to next that's how I'm using the Blog Link gadget. I've learned how to creatively utilize the Link List by adding Twitter names as the "Title" with the Real name next to it, allowing a 2-in-1. The link may be an official site, blog, Twitter page, Facebook page or member page, or any "link-back" to a source of further information. The Labels or "Word Cloud" element is another great "directory" source for the content within your blog. I've seen many blogs and sites and that feature is one of the simplest koolest elements on a page. It took me a moment to figure out how to best use it since I was adding way too many labels for every post. To get the most use out of it pick specific "topic" words and organize your posts under those specific listings to keep an organized and formatted view of your work that readers can go directly to instead of jumping from one place to the next. The cloud won't be super big and easier to navigate.

Ad Sense is the next major focus if you're dedicating much of your time to working in developing your blog. You may have to set up an account first to start adding it in but like anything else that requires a set-up account go ahead and do it so it allows you to add the Ad Sense. Once you do the challenge is finding the best places for it to display content. I'm always rearranging the Ad Sense because of new material I'm adding so it becomes a nuisance. The best thing to do is keep it in the places where you do see the display ads and never move them because obviously that particular placement is where the advertiser sees the most benefit in displaying their ads. It also makes a difference if the Ad Sense is placed around subject matter or gadgets that allow it to display the best Ad content so you may have to rearrange, but don't do it too much and make it a headache. The style types I usually use are the Leaderboard, Banner, Half banner, Medium Rectangle, Vertical Large Skyscraper (top-to-bottom long rectangle). "The recommended" has the popular Ad Sense to use. After rearranging gadgets and adding new ones, such as the Feed I noticed more Ad displays appearing where the Ad Sense gadget was placed. You'll notice it yourself and continue to place them accordingly for what suits your blog the best.

This concludes the first entry from a novice-blog learner/owner. There's so much to learn about this process that it may take a few more years to become a pro. If you're in college and can take a course on web design and all the functions like InDesign or Dreamweaver then definitely acquire this knowledge to amp up for blogging. There are so many amazing blog lay-outs I've seen and I have no idea how the owner created it. Since there are a rare few that are willing to give up their "secrets" you might as well strengthen your brain and learn it yourself, no matter how long it takes. You have more power when you know something yourself and can apply it, rather than waiting for someone else to commit to the success of your work. The key is what to search for online since what you need will appear in the results. "audio playlist, video playlist, embed, embed code, html/javascript, url or blog feed, atom (feed), audio player, video player, blog gadgets, blog widgets, and more with every new term you discover in your learning. Take note of every new term associated with your blog and look it up. It will help you to use everything you have and once you can do that you'll start to view your blog as less confusing and overwhelming. Until next time, keep working and believing!

I worry about...
What I'm looking for - or what I am aiming (What I believe - My Interest & future is)
for will not bring me the satisfaction or happiness that I'm hoping it will bring. I worry that I will not find a happiness inside Myself to "sing like no one is around" - "dance like no one is watching". To feel like a free spirit - Not worrying if anyone is watching or listening to me. To feel Lost in the Moment
- Because in my life right now I feel detached from myself
- Afraid to pull out the inner me because of rejection that's what it really sums up to
- Not getting a Positive reaction from others for being me because I feel like when I show a hint/ it is not respected.

Rude Awakening -written by Carlos Gonzalez

So many of us especially on Facebook are having problems. Could be financial problems and could be health problems. Everyone has problems and I for one know that I am not alone....thank you everyone who is on my facebook list of friends.
Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are "I love you", "I'm sorry", and "Help me"? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now--Let's start an intention avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. If I don't see your name, I'll understand. May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares?? Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. You have to copy & paste this one, no share button, please...
And Thank You...

Second Year In College - Course Journal Exercise "Goal"

A goal I have for this semester is to get through this last semester so that I can move onto better things in my Life - Towards my interest in Fashion & further myself.
This is important to me because I believe in some sense I'll achieve an inner sense of happiness and reform.
I feel that if I'm doing something I want to do then I'll feel happier - more excited, thrilled.
It is the most important thing in my life right now - the next step if I reached this goal - the obstacles would be trying to get ideas for clothing patterns, accessories, etc. because in the field you have to be on top of your game & always observant & looking for something, fresh, new, and trendy.
Something you know will catch peoples' eyes.
Meeting the criteria and deadlines for a Fall and Spring line.
It's also very important if your styles are interesting to different companies so that they will choose you to work for them.
I will try to achieve this goal by looking to the school I want to go and sounding as convincing as I can possibly be so that they'll (parents) let me in - believe this is what I want.
Because if I don't try now - I'll still be here at West Georgia and this was my limited time - Pit stop
to get my feet into the door.
There's nothing more for me here as an Art Major and it's time to move on.
Then once I get in, which I pray I will, I want to absorb as much as I can and focus my mind solely on design and do what I got to do -
Once I'm focused I'm in and I've always been interested in clothing of all cultures and time periods or accessories such as belts, hats, bracelets, necklaces, rings, pins, hair pins, stockings, etc.

Second Year In College - Course Journal Exercise

January 19, 2005

Where am I now?
At this moment it is 12:28am and I'm at a relaxed state.
I feel calm and comfortable. During the day I wasn't feeling like this though.
I was feeling somewhat aggravated.
Not extremely - just a small tinge you feel inside.
Even though I only have two classes I still felt this way.
I realize it's close to my time of the month - so that could be causing some of this feeling.

Desirous

2005 August 28,

9:33 am

What I don't understand is how I can be this way or feel this way.

It's not every Sunday Morning. 

It's strange for this Sunday Morning.

I hope it's not a bad - thing. 

For reason I was feeling aroused and didn't want to move from my bed.

Instantly the thought went to C as my subject of encounter.

Probably because I know it is very unlikely for us to ever be as close and I can't stand him at times.

And because of his self-involvement and conceitedness shows he could care less either.

The Most Unlikely Pair. 

We're already too different and I doubt if we were together we would get along at all.

Why is it, I start seeing him as that?!!?

The image in my mind that I partake in "unbound-less" pleasure in?

That figure who wears all black trying to distant his feelings from me.

-This Fantasy-

This figure that was in my mind's work. It's like a "Real"- Soap Opera with both of us trying to figure out what we're going to do.

Whether to fake it or be real...

In this dream I don't care if there is a girl friend. 

She is younger than me and I'm closer to his age.

He has different girl friends all the time. 

I think, how could he pass me up and I'm more mature?!!?

I know I'm sexy , being who I am, and nobody else.

I can seduce him if I don't try to hard.

But what I really want is for him to seduce me...

I want to be lost and disillusioned by him.

We go out to dinner...

I'm wearing a wrap dress and stilettos or T-straps

Even though in reality I would not have enough expertise to wear them.

My hair is pulled up and a few strands fall around my face, brushing the sides of my neck.

Very little make-up, mauve or brownish-pink lip color, more on the pink side.

Nude but with a nice tint of pink and red.

Mascara, medium-dark eyeshadow, and black eye-liner.

My goal was for him to notice me - All the details that he could linger on in his imagination.

I imagine us eating something sensual and sumptuous while his eyes slyly catch my lips.

We just sit, talk, and laugh of course. 

I feel that we are growing closer to each other.

I make my move.

Moving closer to him because we were sitting sort of far a part at a round booth.

Underneath the table I rub his leg... He grabs my hand to stop. He did not like that.

I try again. Moving my hand from underneath his and take it again.

I guide his hand underneath my dress brushing up my smooth, freshly shaven thigh

to where my panties should've been. 

His fingers touch the curve of my hip-bone then onto the coarse dark curls.

I can not believe this is happening...

He stops, not wanting to go there with me. I'm not wearing any panties, he realizes.

I wanted to tell him there wasn't anything underneath the dress so he could imagine 

that one string tied to the side of my bodice would unleash the material covering my body.

He asks, Can we go? I say, Sure. 

We ride around for awhile without saying anything. 

He takes me to my house and walks me to my door.

He doesn't believe in having two girl friends at once, hurting the one he already has.

  

Billboards Music Awards: BOOTIES RUNNING THE GAMUT: Nicki Minaj Performs "High School" Wth Weezy As The Prop

The Wilder, The Racier, The Better.   

It just feels like it goes too far…  

It feels like a scene from Player’s Club or one of those back in the mid-late 90's stripper on a pole movies…I’m very surprised at Nicki for wanting to do a performance like that. All this attention on her derriere is getting more press and attention than her rap game. Where in the fine print did it say …and at some point you will need to let your sexuality become the focus for your musical career? Where did talent become compromised and sexuality became the only source of selling one’s craft? If it’s going to be there, which it is, then let it emphasis your talent. It just disgusted me as a young woman because I feel like I see it every day. Women objectified every day and we’re supposed to be “empowering” ourselves. We’re taking a purposeful step and confusing it with something else. Bouncing your ass in front of a camera lens in a guy’s lap doesn’t necessarily register as a strong, intelligent, hard-working, and driven woman. It looks like a parody. Wayne was looking like he appreciated the gesture immensely but the last I checked they weren’t even studying each other “on that level”, so maybe there’s something I don’t know. I’m not into all that kind of “news”. Males and women who are fond of the posterior are the only ones who were digging that booty shake. Her bending over and sticking her hand in between her legs did it for me. I’m at home watching this with my family and it mortified me to sit next to my mother and we’re watching this garbage together. She was like, What the h*ll is this?!!! I’m still wondering how a performance like this was even acceptable. After talking one day with one of my friends she tells me Nicki has changed and wasn’t the same from the Nicki that came out on the scene. Because I haven’t been following her I didn’t notice the difference. But now that my eyes are opened to paying attention to details of that sort – yea, there’s a difference. The whole Barbie image is more prevalent now. I think Hollywood is a trap. Give it time and you will see a change in someone from the time they go in and stay in for 20 years or less.

In Tribute: Remembering Roger Ebert

Watch April 04, 2013 - Remembering Roger Ebert on PBS. See more from Chicago Tonight.