Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

Anti-Social - Grouped Together - Separated
Is what I see surrounding me.
Stares - Judgement
Is what I notice.
I see the Judge.
Through the stares - gawking - laziness
I guess I meet the world defensively or racing past.
Defensively because I'm not sure - I'm unaware - Tired of being talked about or made - fun of -
because I feel & "Know" that I'm all alone & no one is going to have my back 100%
This is good to keep me strong and enduring in my life and in the world but also bad.
Bad because I probably won't let certain people in My Life and probably see me for me.
Looking at life this way keeps me hidden and secretive - shy -
Not loose and carefree like I want to be.
I do not like it.
That's what it is like for me.
Through time and work I will not have to see the world like this anymore and feel this way.

Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

If you had a magic wand, what 3 things would you change?

Lord, if I could change three things - I would change the type of schools I went to - 

They were good schools due to the education and for that I am grateful -

but because it was in an area where everybody would tend to not act so realistic -

I would've changed it.

2nd - I would change the crazy way both of my families act and get a better family.

3rd - I would've changed the location of where I grew up. 

It's a decent place - but I lacked friends - young people in the neighborhood  - close to my age to hang outside with. 

There are a lot of older people and the ice-cream man never came down because it was a road!

There are other places we could've lived that were decent - neighborhoods but with more young people.

The school - also being so hard is because it was predominately white and I, being the only or couple in my classes - made it hard -

I didn't have much to Identify with.

Second Year In College - Course Reflective Journal Exercise

Most of the time I am....

In between emotions - Kind've chill -relax and upset.
It's sometimes more of this or that but I'm in between most of the time.

I Long For...

To follow the direction of my own happenings & know that it made me happy and it was right.

I long for - the point in my life where I'm satisfied doing something that complements my artistic and creative talents and my talents complement it.

I long for the Meaning of my existence - My purpose and knowing it.

I get angry about...

Common sense that people around me should know. 

I know that it can't be helped all the time - but sometimes it can.

I get angry about things I can't change -

My mom's and dad's families, not being close like a family should be - acting right.

The Most Joy or Fun I have is...

When I draw or paint for the fun of it when I want to - and laughing at silly goofy things - such as movies 

- tv shows - or getting funny e-cards off of the internet from buddies. 

The most joy or fun I have had makes more sense in my situation.

Joy for me hasn't come yet in my young adult life.

Every kid feels their sense of joy while growing up because they don't know the responsibilities of the world yet or know how tough the world can be - or trying to be something they're not.
All they know is what makes them happy, sad, and angry.
Joy has yet to come to me but hopefully I'll find it because things in life don't blow to you in the wind.

Life is about...

What you make of it - it's about making a mark for yourself and hopefully making a change that you created for the better. It's about being wiser and more knowledge and becoming aware of yourself spiritually. 

Second Year In College - Course Journal Exercise

The Most Important Thing About Me Is...

My Heart - my ability to give my Love, my Life, my all into anyone who is an important part in my life.
I can be very generous and willing to be the "brave heart" for anyone who is in trouble in my life.
(This is also not fully true due to the fact I go through difficulties with my family, and I easily turn off from people who claim to be "friends" and turn around and stab me in the back - from past experiences growing up because trust is a big part with me.) There's still a caring side of me and I just want to give. I like to do nice - sweet things for others even if they may not appreciate it - which can and is a problem. I'm learning and know better now - at 20 years old.

Second Year In College - Course Journal Exercise "Goal"

A goal I have for this semester is to get through this last semester so that I can move onto better things in my Life - Towards my interest in Fashion & further myself.
This is important to me because I believe in some sense I'll achieve an inner sense of happiness and reform.
I feel that if I'm doing something I want to do then I'll feel happier - more excited, thrilled.
It is the most important thing in my life right now - the next step if I reached this goal - the obstacles would be trying to get ideas for clothing patterns, accessories, etc. because in the field you have to be on top of your game & always observant & looking for something, fresh, new, and trendy.
Something you know will catch peoples' eyes.
Meeting the criteria and deadlines for a Fall and Spring line.
It's also very important if your styles are interesting to different companies so that they will choose you to work for them.
I will try to achieve this goal by looking to the school I want to go and sounding as convincing as I can possibly be so that they'll (parents) let me in - believe this is what I want.
Because if I don't try now - I'll still be here at West Georgia and this was my limited time - Pit stop
to get my feet into the door.
There's nothing more for me here as an Art Major and it's time to move on.
Then once I get in, which I pray I will, I want to absorb as much as I can and focus my mind solely on design and do what I got to do -
Once I'm focused I'm in and I've always been interested in clothing of all cultures and time periods or accessories such as belts, hats, bracelets, necklaces, rings, pins, hair pins, stockings, etc.