In the distance the song, "My First Love" by Avant and Keke Wyatt plays. I drift off once more imagining my life with him. "Silhouette of a perfect frame, shadows of your smile will always remain". He's singing my song. Two loves in unison: "You will be my, my first love. My first love and my only love". Then I hear her calling my name, "Lorena get me my water in the refrigerator". My dream-filled bliss vanishes. I'm crushed. "OK!" For one fleeting moment I was swept away with my thoughts again. Daydreaming...
This is the story of my life. My life as a girl turned woman without any idea of what "Love" really means. You see I grew up watching the Disney movies: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty And The Beast, Aladdin "Unbelievable skies...indescribable feeling" (Remember that). Back then I was a kid enjoying the delights of it all, a 90's kid living in the world believing all there was existed as it did in those days, in those times. Fast forward, it's now 2013...where did time go? 28, a woman, still young with her ideal thoughts on what LOVE really is. Can you blame her? Love hasn't been the source of peace in her life. It hasn't been there when she needed it so she just continued to live, exist.
"Hey girl, what are you up to today?" Nothing much Eddie, just hanging around. Guess Whaaat! You know what I'm calling about??? No...what is it girl? I saw your man today. You know he's coming back into town. Performing at that hot new joint in your neck of the woods. Girl please, it's not even like that. Besides I'm still trying to make due with my situation. You know I'm hanging on by a thread. Look at me, I'm 28, unemployed, unmarried, and still living at home with my family. It's shameful. Are you serious Lo'???!? You realize we're dealing with a recession right? Do you realize how many of us are out here wondering what the hell we're going to do. Just the other day my guy, Dean had to move back in with his folks cuz his apartment in DC was too high. Girl we're all struggling. Easy for you to say! You're working with entertainers, artists, and celebs on the Regular...You have a hot new car, nice crib around the happenings, and have VIP access to all these shows we talk about. Lo' you know the only way I'm in to these shows is through buttering up these so-called celebs you're talking about. I'm not getting in on my own by the least... I thought you would be excited with this news I'm bringing to ya but I guess you're on one of your snappy trips today huh! No Dee, I'm sorry...it's alot I'm dealing with at home. It's hard to explain myself when mom has a job that she enjoys, receives great benefits, and has full control over her department. She's having more fun than I ever had and this is work! Well, this is why I called you because you can't continue to lounge up like some Cinderella at home with these lame excuses about what you don't have! Lo' the night is young...We're young, sexy, and worth the attention so let's go out and get it for ourselves! Eddie... Girl, you know I get crazy when you say my name like that...c'moooon. You know I'll be with you. I aint like these half-wit tricks you're also friends with who will dump you the minute their red bottoms hit the linoleum. You're my homgirl Lo' that's for Life boo ;) sigh, I know Dee... I don't know where I would be if you weren't in my life. We've been through our own hardships and you've still hung in there with me. You got that right sista! So before we both start throwing tears we gotta sexify you for your hot hook-up haha! You're a mess Dee haha. So what time do I need to come over there so we can hit these stores??? Give me an hour, gotta clean first, then we're out! Alright chick, don't scrub down to your nubs alright..we don't want to see cracked dry skin or I'll be calling you crack Nubby all night, alright love? haha.. Yea silly, bet!
It's nice to have friends like Eddie. You see, I've known her since middle school back in the good ole' days when life seemed easy and fun. She moved into Pralural City, P. Town from Cali and it was the biggest culture shock she ever experienced. In Cali she boasts all the time, the weather is climate, all types of food places to choose from: Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, the beaches are right there, the art scene is top, and Rodeo Drive is a matter of distance away and you're right there surrounded by the Who's Who of Hollywood. I have to remind her about how bad the L.A. traffic is, and did I mention L.A. and Compton? Yea, well you get my drift then... it aint all peaches and keen throughout home state Cali. Just because Pralural has a 7-11 on the corner, one fast food to its name called Pralural Patty: THE Ham In Burger, and a small theater, Pray-4-Us owned by the same guy named Mo who works at P. Patty, doesn't mean it's all that bad. Okay, it's not like Cali but it's all I knew growing up. She forgets sometimes and I have to remind her.
Then the terrorist attack of 2001 left us all stunned and worried about the future. I remember sitting in my geography classroom working on an assignment when one of the students came in with an expression of stern worry and told the teacher to turn on the tv. All our eyes caught the screen, dazed and confused as to what happened. Back then I was uneducated on certain things and the twin towers was 1 of them. All I saw was the aftermath...smoke, ash, and dubree. I didn't have to know much to realize something catastrophic happened and it wasn't a good sign...
If I had known my life would've gone in this direction I would've did something different. I just don't know what. I'm different now than I was back then. High hopes and expectations ignorantly guided my actions in college. The Arts, my parents believed, was my calling. Yes, drawing came easy but only after discovering this talent in 3rd grade did it really resonate as true. To pick up a pencil and draw from vivid perception became my claim to fame. All the kids eye-balled me, "Our next assignment you must 'draw' your own ideas...." Nothing else the teacher said mattered because they needed me to be "the one" because ' you're a good drawer!' I've never had an issue with the compliments but when it became the only reason why anyone approached me I began to resent my talent. I wasn't sure if it was going to be my "calling" since it seemed to be the only reason why anyone interacted with me.
[My_First_Love-Avant]
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This is the story of my life. My life as a girl turned woman without any idea of what "Love" really means. You see I grew up watching the Disney movies: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty And The Beast, Aladdin "Unbelievable skies...indescribable feeling" (Remember that). Back then I was a kid enjoying the delights of it all, a 90's kid living in the world believing all there was existed as it did in those days, in those times. Fast forward, it's now 2013...where did time go? 28, a woman, still young with her ideal thoughts on what LOVE really is. Can you blame her? Love hasn't been the source of peace in her life. It hasn't been there when she needed it so she just continued to live, exist.
"Hey girl, what are you up to today?" Nothing much Eddie, just hanging around. Guess Whaaat! You know what I'm calling about??? No...what is it girl? I saw your man today. You know he's coming back into town. Performing at that hot new joint in your neck of the woods. Girl please, it's not even like that. Besides I'm still trying to make due with my situation. You know I'm hanging on by a thread. Look at me, I'm 28, unemployed, unmarried, and still living at home with my family. It's shameful. Are you serious Lo'???!? You realize we're dealing with a recession right? Do you realize how many of us are out here wondering what the hell we're going to do. Just the other day my guy, Dean had to move back in with his folks cuz his apartment in DC was too high. Girl we're all struggling. Easy for you to say! You're working with entertainers, artists, and celebs on the Regular...You have a hot new car, nice crib around the happenings, and have VIP access to all these shows we talk about. Lo' you know the only way I'm in to these shows is through buttering up these so-called celebs you're talking about. I'm not getting in on my own by the least... I thought you would be excited with this news I'm bringing to ya but I guess you're on one of your snappy trips today huh! No Dee, I'm sorry...it's alot I'm dealing with at home. It's hard to explain myself when mom has a job that she enjoys, receives great benefits, and has full control over her department. She's having more fun than I ever had and this is work! Well, this is why I called you because you can't continue to lounge up like some Cinderella at home with these lame excuses about what you don't have! Lo' the night is young...We're young, sexy, and worth the attention so let's go out and get it for ourselves! Eddie... Girl, you know I get crazy when you say my name like that...c'moooon. You know I'll be with you. I aint like these half-wit tricks you're also friends with who will dump you the minute their red bottoms hit the linoleum. You're my homgirl Lo' that's for Life boo ;) sigh, I know Dee... I don't know where I would be if you weren't in my life. We've been through our own hardships and you've still hung in there with me. You got that right sista! So before we both start throwing tears we gotta sexify you for your hot hook-up haha! You're a mess Dee haha. So what time do I need to come over there so we can hit these stores??? Give me an hour, gotta clean first, then we're out! Alright chick, don't scrub down to your nubs alright..we don't want to see cracked dry skin or I'll be calling you crack Nubby all night, alright love? haha.. Yea silly, bet!
It's nice to have friends like Eddie. You see, I've known her since middle school back in the good ole' days when life seemed easy and fun. She moved into Pralural City, P. Town from Cali and it was the biggest culture shock she ever experienced. In Cali she boasts all the time, the weather is climate, all types of food places to choose from: Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, the beaches are right there, the art scene is top, and Rodeo Drive is a matter of distance away and you're right there surrounded by the Who's Who of Hollywood. I have to remind her about how bad the L.A. traffic is, and did I mention L.A. and Compton? Yea, well you get my drift then... it aint all peaches and keen throughout home state Cali. Just because Pralural has a 7-11 on the corner, one fast food to its name called Pralural Patty: THE Ham In Burger, and a small theater, Pray-4-Us owned by the same guy named Mo who works at P. Patty, doesn't mean it's all that bad. Okay, it's not like Cali but it's all I knew growing up. She forgets sometimes and I have to remind her.
Then the terrorist attack of 2001 left us all stunned and worried about the future. I remember sitting in my geography classroom working on an assignment when one of the students came in with an expression of stern worry and told the teacher to turn on the tv. All our eyes caught the screen, dazed and confused as to what happened. Back then I was uneducated on certain things and the twin towers was 1 of them. All I saw was the aftermath...smoke, ash, and dubree. I didn't have to know much to realize something catastrophic happened and it wasn't a good sign...
If I had known my life would've gone in this direction I would've did something different. I just don't know what. I'm different now than I was back then. High hopes and expectations ignorantly guided my actions in college. The Arts, my parents believed, was my calling. Yes, drawing came easy but only after discovering this talent in 3rd grade did it really resonate as true. To pick up a pencil and draw from vivid perception became my claim to fame. All the kids eye-balled me, "Our next assignment you must 'draw' your own ideas...." Nothing else the teacher said mattered because they needed me to be "the one" because ' you're a good drawer!' I've never had an issue with the compliments but when it became the only reason why anyone approached me I began to resent my talent. I wasn't sure if it was going to be my "calling" since it seemed to be the only reason why anyone interacted with me.
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This was a beautiful way of sharing who you are.Thanks for being open enough to share.
ReplyDeleteMUCH <3 SexyC430 MY DECLARATION with more to come.
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