Challenging The Prison We Set Ourselves In

2:33pm April 17, 2012

Enough becomes 'Enough' when you feel caged in from what is "out of your control". I've lived my life, 20 + years, by everyone’s' standards & rules. The time of change surfaces when you lose your grip on 'Control' & it turns you into the ugliest thing that's tearing you down in the first place. 

I'm discovering that I'm not the only one who is in this mental place of suffering. From a 2-hour conversation with a friend on the phone yesterday, I realize I'm not the only one who feels like a little spec on a sheet of paper. It doesn't matter if you're single, living at home with family, jobless, or married, with kids, & equally unemployed. If you feel the walls are closing in on you, there is no escape or hope from your predicament.

In so many ways I pride myself as a 'voice of reason', even if that may sound conceited. I'm not perfect nor am I an expert on many things, but like Oprah stated of herself, "All my life I have always known I was born into greatness", I believe many of us possess an awareness of knowing, and we tap into intuitively. Psychology & Sociology studies are nowhere in my education so I wonder how I'm able to connect the dots on topics that are challenging for many people to grapple. 

As my friend & I talked the deliverance of my understanding centered around "Change". Change is the key to turning an unfulfilled and unsatisfactory dilemma into a healthy, productive, direction that is fulfilling. There comes a point when we MUST say to ourselves, "Enough IS ENOUGH", when the only thing we're doing is pacifying our problems. One of the main points I tried to make to my friend was, you NEED to stop dwelling in your own self-pity. Moping, Groping, wah this & that is not gonna "Change" anything! We've had this conversation before & as her friend it was my duty to speak to her with "Reason". She may not heed my advice due to ego or feeling defeated, but at least I know it was put out there & she could choose to do what she wanted with it.

It can be scary to be hit with the realization that everything we're used to may not be as healthy as we thought. The realization may be: Family doesn't act or support like a FAMILY, My career is not the career I wanted, my husband or wife is not compatible with me, I started a family too early in my life, my parents did not prepare me for life in the long-run,  I'm holding myself back from life & what I could be 'Giving' to it, & in my friend's case, No one is THERE FOR ME. 

'NO ONE IS THERE FOR ME' sounds like a common frustration I can believe people experience everywhere. I can definitely relate to this because I equally felt this way growing up. She's doing EVERYTHING for everyone with nothing being given in return. This is not to be confused with the act of giving in terms of gifts or acts of kindness with nothing to be expected in return or you miss the whole point. Even though it goes hand in hand, this form of 'giving' is when you're put in the position of care-giver, or money lender, the leader, the supporter, the giver. Much of yourself is put towards everything but in the end you feel depleted, resentful, & unfulfilled. 

After hearing her release tension on this feeling I asked her, So what are you going TO DO about it? It is what It is, another favorite line of mine [Basketball Wives & other reality shows]. This method I'm using could be a form of Problem-Solving, so I take pride in using it to get to the root of a problem & better place. What I came to find was she kept using 'Defeat' as her answer. She kept saying, ' I DON'T KNOW'. So of course I had to re-affirm that she does know what to do & she does. It's just a matter of Doing it! 

Even though discussing many of her set-backs would be beneficial due to being relatable, I'd rather respect her life & not go into extreme detail. But it does allow me to state to the masses- If we're going to LIVE the life we want, we must face what is making us unhappy, depressed, unfulfilled, angry, frustrated, whatever. I'm here to let you know, I'm equally in the sinking ship. There are many facets of my life I NEED to change & make better. So I'm not exempt! I think discussing this topic in a candid, analytic, fulfilling way can bring a sense of awareness & hope to all who feel trapped. We can pull each other together, bring relief to know we're not alone, & regain control of our lives for a better future.