This Is Bliss

Lying on your bed

Listening to All the Words You've Said

You Made Love to me with Your Voice

Then again with Your Words 

It surrounds me with warmth

The most Tender & Beautiful Bliss

That feels Physical 

What we consummate in the Physical

Only continues in the Mental

Lying still...still

You gave my mind and body so much to feel.

Music softly in the background 

Your voice creates the most Beautiful Sounds

I can't believe I am here so very still

Feeling this real

It is like a Dream and it seems it will never end

On my stomach I lay watching you play

Your fingers across the keys on my body I need.

This Physical Bliss every second I miss

Everywhere I still feel your kiss

From my head to my toes no more lonely woes

We both experienced before now

All I hear is the sound of your music in the background

I can't stand up

My feet will never feel the ground

I just want to lay, just lay, to stay in this Physical Bliss

Every second I miss with my mind remembering your kiss

All over my body

Your closest four legged friend comes in 

Laying across my back all 3 of us are a pack 

And it feels so right looking at your majesty with the morning light

I can't move. I don't want to. There is nothing I want to do.

But listen to the Music & the sound you make that soothes.

The way of love is the softness of a dove.

Your white with my night is the Light of my Life

As I lay here living here in this Mental & Physical Bliss.

If I try to leave I know you will need me again.

We cannot end this insatiable sin

Over and over again we continuously win

Our minds and souls are always in

I can't comprehend how I'm still here.

I stand up to leave with your eyes all over me

I feel your stare seeing me completely bare 

And nothing compares.

Your eyes make love to me all over again

I have to walk away and you make me stay

If I may, is it wrong to stay another day and watch you play

Nothing seems Better.

You play your music in the background like a love letter.

Written only to me.

I see where I'm supposed to be

Your body laying next to me, in a dream, for eternity.

This Physical feels Spiritual making love to my mental.

Your voice so deep it instantly puts me to sleep.

In my dreams I meet Him and tells me to stay it's no sin.

You are to be with him.

Just stay and just lay and listen to him play.

There is no better feeling than this.

Rushing back to the world you will surely miss

Whose kiss can be so sincere.

The way he looks at you and calls you dear

He just wants me near and I'm in love with him

We must pray that we can stay in these moments Forever 

If in a different way, alright, I will accept any way.

To just stay here with you.

I pray and pray and wantonly pray. 

All the senses you display.

Sight, Sound, Touch, & Taste

Sweet Smells from candles, the visuals I can Taste.

My lips against your skin.

Your lips.

On the table herbal tea you provide I sip.

And sip listening to you play your music 

It just makes me slip again to our physical bliss.

Every second I miss.

Everywhere I still feel your kiss.

From my head to my toes, no more lonely woes

We both experienced before now.

You have me forever floating on a cloud.

The noise outside is loud but not here and now

In this Mental Bliss as you equally give me 

Physical Bliss.

Saying Goodbye : Memoirs of a Misunderstood Young Brown Girl

Original Date: April 2014 

The house on the street. Long winding road. Third house to the left. The image of the perfect home with the imagined "white picket fence". In a city, a pleasantville, but only for certain people- not me. I come from what appears to be the perfect family but in all actuality it is far from perfect. My own personal struggle is surrounded by working parents and this 4-wall square box of "shelter" called home. I am the legitimate only child of a man and woman. No siblings, just one dog *Snowball, whom I couldn't fully connect with. Loved her from the day I first saw her but I was too much of a spoiled, provided-for girl to be responsible enough to "train and raise" a puppy into a dog. The day she had to be put to sleep was one of the saddest days of my life. It was days before my birthday, my hair had been cut super short from extreme breakage and damage. With no preparation for the traumatic event I felt a departure, like the death of a loved one, happening as a major snip and cut took place to discard the majority of my hair.
The drive with me and my father to the Animal medical hospital. Her hair was everywhere on the back seat and she slipped and slid with the turn of the car with a loud bump. She was sick. She almost fell on the seat as we made the turn. Never did I believe I would feel the way I did. Death was not common in my life other than seeing my mother getting out of her car in August 1998 crying, with a personal pain that could be seen on her face, her father had passed. We went to the funeral and all that, bought a black and white horizontally wide stripped dress with black oxford shoes to wear from Kohls, and I remember being there in that same church my mother grew up going to with her four brothers "going through the experience" and not having much to feel. Didn't know how to feel. As we handed her over to the female vet care I rubbed her head and said, "It's going to be okay Snowball"...as if she could "hear" me talking to her. We handed the leash over to the woman ready to let her go. She led my dog around the corner, then I started welling up and it all came over me. I couldn't do it. Not yet. We asked the woman to bring her back and she walked back, just casually not knowing what was going on, just like any other day. I got down on my knees and I embraced my dog, held her like I was hugging her because that's what I needed to do...It was my way of saying I love you, goodbye for now. It was like she knew And I'm proud to have done that because it would've stayed with me for all these years after. Her hair was stuck all over my over-sized Polo hoodie I've had since middle school. I didn't want to wash it- it still smelled like her. We received a special letter in the mail during the week of Christmas addressed from the Animal clinic- it was blue paper with the sweetest poem pretty much just saying she is in a better place and we'll see each other again. At the bottom were her two paw prints. It was so touching and I felt peace. Truly did. She was not suffering anymore and her soul was free. After feeling my head for the usual thickness of hair and realizing I felt more of the sculpture of my head the reality sunk in that most of it was on the floor. Before cutting the hairdresser gave me a relaxer (which never happened again when I tried to grow it out and have it cut again)